Reflections

Teddy's due date was in the middle of October. It was a difficult time for us. We really wanted Teddy around.

I think it is important that we share a few of our thoughts with people. This is because, some people think that we should have moved on in our grief. Also, some people are still putting their foot in their mouth when it comes to giving what they think is sympathy.

But we are not judging anyone. And that's what I want to talk about. As a 'bloke' I honestly thought that losing a really small child would not hurt the way it did; that it would not change my world. However, losing a baby, no matter how small, devastates a person. Everything has changed. Please understand that. And I'm sorry to those who have lost children, to whom I wasn't more understanding, before I knew what I now know.

The other thing I wanted to say is that Lil because she bore Teddy, does have a special relationship to him; but please never say, "oh, it must be harder for Lil". This feels like a punch in my guts. I could think of some metaphors to put beside this situation, but I think it is clear enough. Focusing on Lil's pain, does not take away any of my pain.

Also, we don't want people to tell us to cheer up. We want people to say, you are hurting. That sucks. If not to hurt with us, to at least let us hurt.

The other strange phenomenon that I want to share is that I have experienced great joy, and great sadness, all at the same time. It confuses me. I actually feel happy and sad, together. It is like water and oil becoming one substance. I don't know what to do with this feeling, but I wanted to share it with you. I think it may hold some sort of usefulness for how to deal with people who are hurting.

Soon, we will share about when and where we buried Teddy's ashes.

till then,

We continue to thank you for all your love and prayers