Eulogy and Message

Michael Bayliss 2nd August 2010
There have been a few 'whys' floating around recently. Why did Teddy come so early?
Why did he then have to leave this earth so early?
Why did this happen?

Lil and I really thought Teddy was going to stick around a lot longer. We weren't ready for today. It honestly feels like a bad dream that we are yet to wake from.
True, Teddy came really early, and our prayers were always for God to do what he wanted, but the way things were going, it looked like everything was going to be ok.

5 weeks ago, Lil went into hospital with some concerns and she rang me . We had a really important decision to make.  Lil's body had already started to prepare for giving birth, really early. 4 months early. And the decision?

The decision was, should the doctors perform a procedure on Lil to try and keep Edward inside for a bit longer or to let Edward be born and therefore die. This was because all the doctors thought that Edward was only 22 weeks old. Way too early to have a chance. We decided that we wanted to do everything to keep this little guy so we opted for the procedure. But then, the doctor decided he wouldn't perform the procedure anyway because the risks for Lil and the baby were too high. So then, Edward's only hope was to stay put for at least another two weeks, which was unlikely to happen.

Then something amazing happened. You can picture the scenario. A midwife finishes work looking after Lil and knowing that lil's baby was going to be born and to die, there it is on the whiteboard, 22 weeks. And then the next day, this midwife starts her shift and there on the whiteboard, Lil Bayliss 24 weeks. Did the midwife think she had been asleep for two weeks? Edward went from 22 weeks old to 24 weeks old, overnight. This was because of a second ultrasound measurement that showed Edward to be bigger than expected. The doctors and midwives were amazed.

Now Edward was viable, and we had the option to try and keep him alive once he was born. And so Lil willed Edward to stay inside her and she lay very still and she managed to keep Edward inside for another 3 days. And the doctors were happy with this, because every day on the inside is worth a week on the outside, they would say.

Just when Lil thought she would get another day, Edward was on his way out. Lil buzzed, the doctors, midwives and nurses filled the room. Edward popped out feet first which made the midwife giggle and me wonder about the appropriateness of taking a photo. Then without much of a push, Edward slid out, I was terrified because the cord was tight around this neck, but the midwife plucked it away and Edward was rushed over to the special trolley where the doctors intensely and steadily stabilized Edward and Edward was whisked away.

We had to wait for a few hours, a few dreadful hours, and then we were called in to the NICU, the neonatal intensive care unit to meet little Edward Paul, named after his grandfathers. We were overjoyed. We had been on a huge roller coaster ride. From lots of "We are sorry about your loss" to "We think your baby now has a chance" to "Congratulations on the birth of your son."

We were warned of the honey moon period, for the first two days out when premmy babies do really well and then not so well. So the first two days were great. Then things started going wrong, but not too wrong. That's when the optimism started. Little Edward showed us his fighting spirit and feistiness. He didn't like being touched, too much. He would pull at the cords attached to his body and kick the air. And try and pee on anyone who would get close enough. The special small nappies that they had were still way too big for the little guy. That's when we called him Tiny Teddy. 

We fell in love with Teddy and so did all the nurses in the NICU. They wrote in a little blue journal that they give all the premmy babies, they wrote messages for him. Marina, found out that he liked foot massages. They took photos of him. They spoke to him tenderly. We knew that when we weren't at the hospital, Teddy had the very best care. The  doctors, midwives, nurses and staff at Royal Prince Alfred Hospital are amazing. We thank them so much.

After a week, Lil and I were too scared to ask, is he out of the woods yet? But we really thought the answer, if we had asked, would have been a positive one. I kept telling people that anything could happen, but deep down I thought he would be ok. He was always lying there when we went in, kicking, waving, peeping out, gurgling and occasionally screaming, with a very tiny beautiful scream. He was also developing a hearty appetite for Lil's milk that they fed him mil by mil down a tube into his stomach.

But then, more things started to go wrong rather than go right. We were called on a Sunday night at about 12am saying that things weren't so good. Then we had a short call two hours later saying, "We think you should come in"... beep beep beep.

That drive to the hospital was dreadful. We thought that was it. But by the morning things were looking up again. And the next day things were looking a bit better, then a bit better. And we thought "Phew", that early morning call was just a scare, things are better now. But they weren't. Very rapidly things went bad again. Teddy was at a point of facing severe disability and the doctors recommended we cease care to protect his quality of life.  I've said before, Lil and I were stubborn and wanted to hang on to Teddy no matter what. We would love him however he survived.

But then that decision was taken away from us and Friday 23rd in the afternoon the doctors told us that in the next few days we would have to let Teddy go. So we got the family in, some of them to meet him for the first time. And then for all to say goodbye. And Teddy was feisty to the end. I changed his nappy a short time before our final goodbye, and it was huuuge. Completely full. But that didn't stop Teddy from doing another huge pee, so high it almost touched the roof of the humidicrib that housed him. It is a great last memory to have of the little guy. Because after that we sat with him as the machines were turned off. Then we said goodbye.

Lil and I held him as he let out his last few breaths, looking around confused and bewildered, but then peaceful, as his heartbeat very slowly faded away.

Teddy packed a lot into those three weeks and one day. He had a lot of fans. He taught us a lot. And he made us lean closer and closer to God and his love. Because I kept saying to myself. If we don't trust God now, then when would we trust him. And so, these 'questions' of 'why' have not plagued us. But our trust has been tested. Our faith has been tested. We don't have the answers but that's ok. So "What keeps us going?"

God's word to us.
The promises of God.
The promises of His new creation.
The promises that we can rejoice in that God will recreate and renew. With pictures of life as seen in this prophecy from Isaiah. Written 700 years or so before Jesus Christ walked the earth. These promises are great. They show us that God knows what matters, God knows what we crave for. God knows our hurts. They are great promises aren't they. So tangible, so tactile, so meaningful. To be part of God's people. To be blessed by God. To be whole again in a renewed creation. Trusting these promises has kept Lil and I going.

And how can we trust these promises? Why do we trust them?

Because of Jesus? In his life, death and resurrection to new life, Jesus showed that he was God's plan to fix up this fallen broken world.

And I take comfort in his death. Because it was there that Christ showed why he came to earth. He didn't come to get us into trouble, to load us up with rules, he didn't come to bust our chops. He knew that death was one of our major problems, that no one can escape it.
Little Teddy couldn't escape it. Teddy fought and he fought and he fought, but with the best drugs, one of the best hospitals in the world, the best doctors, he could not escape death.
Death is terrible.
Death sucks.

Be it three weeks and one day or ninetey years and one day, 3 mintues or 900 years. Death is devastating. And as most of you know, and many of you can feel, death signifies so much more than just the physical loss. It is emotional, spiritual and relational separation, between God and people.

But Jesus proved that he had defeated the power of death when he rose again. And that is where our hope comes from. That God fixed things up with Jesus, and he will one day bring about renewal.

Jesus, by the fact that he rose again from the dead, is the firstborn over all creation, the guarantee that God not only honours his promises, but is able to honour his promises.

And I always go back to the Apostle Paul, who said that, and excuse my paraphrase, Christians are complete and utter dumbdumb heads, if Christ is not raised from the dead. It would be stupid to believe in these promises if Jesus had failed, if he had not died and consequently if he had not risen. If he is not alive now. We would have no hope, just pleasant thoughts.

We do have hope, we can say God is good. Because God became man, and went to the cross for us. And took away death's power. Forgiving us if we would but ask. God is good, God loves us.

So the questions still remain, why did Teddy come so early? Why did he leave so early?, and we don't have a lot of answers, but we have trust in God's big promises. And we rest in God's arms. And we thank God for little Teddy. That God let us have three weeks with him. And that we were able to learn so much from Teddy.

For those three weeks all the things in life that distract us from what is important were cleared away, and we could see and think clearly. God has given us friends and family who have been there for us. He has let us see love in action. Yes, death sucks, yes Lil and I and many have shed countless tears and will shed many more. But God is good. Jesus Christ is Lord. And his love is real. We are looking forward to Christ's promised return, to when all of God's promises will be fulfilled. Not when all of our questions will be answered, but when no more questions will need to be asked, because all will be well between God and his people.

Lil and I would like to thank you all for your prayers, friendship, love and support. We are saddened that you could not get to know little Teddy more. Thank you for celebrating his short fragile life with us. And know that we are ok, because God is good.